Though it is my preference to be cooperative, it is now time for me to speak about the ridiculous process you call “underwriting.” I have had all I intend to take of being jerked around by nameless and faceless underwriters who are applying risk management standards that defy reason.
Approve or decline my request for a mortgage – now. No more back and forth, I am done. I am not sending any more “documentation.” You are very close to violating common decency but have not improved your risk management. If I become your customer or don’t, I will still tell everyone who will listen that you have taken over-reaction to a fine art. Yeah, blame the regulators. We all love to hate legislators so if you blame them no one will challenge you.
Here is my message – You have well and truly angered a person who is successful, has net worth and income more than adequate to support the loan. Indeed, I don’t need your damn loan – look at my bank balance. Check the progression of financial stability. You choose to treat me like a drug dealer. Your fear that I might be a drug dealer or otherwise have some illegitimate source of income has blinded you to the fact that there are very successful self-employed people out there. Here is a sample of the questions you have asked me:
1. Do you realize that you show no revenue for 2 months in a row? Me: Yes, I know that. (unspoken answer, No, I am a total idiot and have no clue about my revenue or cash flow).
2. How do you pay your expenses when you don’t have revenue? Me: Because I am paid in advance for project work and I don’t spend all the money the minute it hits my bank account. (unspoken answer: I manage my money in a responsible manner and live below my means. By the way, this makes me a better credit risk, not a worse credit risk).
3. Is any of the money in your bank account borrowed? Me: No, it is the result of systematically living below my means. I offered to send you 2 years worth of bank statements to prove this but you said you didn’t need that. Guess you were wrong.
4. Where did that last deposit come from? Me: A client. Big Bank: What did you do for them? Me: Consulting. Big Bank: I don’t understand that. Me: Exactly. (unspoken answer: I know you don’t understand because we live on different planets which obviously means I am up to no good.)
5. Please send a copy of the check stub from this last deposit. Me: They send the money electronically to my bank account, there is no “stub.” Big Bank: Well, then send us a copy of the notification of the deposit. Me: Isn’t it obvious that the money was deposited? That’s why you are asking about it.
6. Please provide a copy of the invoice that explains what this deposit was for. Me: OK (unspoken answer: Really? It is going to say Consulting Fee – X dollars and guess who writes these invoices? Moi. What does this prove? Nothing)
This is what happens when statistics drive thinking. Statistics and predictive analysis are useful but they do not replace good judgment. How do you get good judgement in a corporation? By deciding that good judgment trumps everything. That’s leadership.
